Guest Blog: Unemployed, Depressed and Searching for Hope Part II

Moving On After Professional Disaster Hits
Editor’s note: This is the first of a two part series.

By Dr. Christina McCale, author, “Waiting for Change”

In the subsequent months after the publication of my book,“Waiting for Change” I have had innumerable people contact me: some thanking me for the book. Others commenting how they could relate to my situation. Others describing their own stories of job loss and the terror that ensues after that catastrophe has been set upon them.

But invariably, as I talk with, thank and continue to share with these incredible human beings, the question comes up: So how do you move on?

I wish I had a good answer. But in this posting, I’ll provide a bit of “framework” for thinking about the grieving process after your loved one has lost their professional identity.

Most times, when I’m asked this question, I compare the experience of the last two years to the grieving process Kubler-Ross describes: you’re going to go through different phases. There really isn’t a logical“pattern” for getting from point A (the day you lose your job) to point B (the day you realize you’ve gotten past the pain). Not everyone is going to go through all the same phases in the same way or in the same order – because grief is a personal thing.

As I was told by a kind soul, so long ago, upon the death of my own family members: “I promise you there will come a day – a whole 24 hour time period – when you will forget that they’re gone; that the pain has slipped away. But it may take a whole year of birthdays and holidays and missed vacations to get through all the ‘what might have beens’ before you can move on.”

While I know intellectually that there has been some comment and criticism of the Kubler-Ross model (denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance), and I am hardly an expert therapist or knowledgeable about psychology, to me, it does at least seem to provide somewhat of a framework to begin to make some sense of what has just occurred – and perhaps a perspective that can help the loved ones who will now be called on to buoy the unemployed person through the next phase of their life.

A Complicating Factor

What might complicate matters, though, is that as a society we don’t see job loss as a “death” per se – although many have described work as an innate part of our identities and in many cases a cornerstone of one’s social life. The notion of unemployment– or rather the inability to move on and find a new job – carries a stigma with it that dates back to our colonial America.

The Puritan work ethic, a belief that our dedication to doing a job well is a way of honoring God, is a part of our very social fabric. Our very language is peppered with the language that reinforces the importance of getting the job done and doing it well:

“Make hay while the sun shines.”

“Go the extra mile.”

“Your work should speak for itself.”

“Actions speak louder than words.”

“Don’t waste time.”

“Idleness is the devil’s handmaiden.”

“Don’t put off to tomorrow what you can do today.”

“Don’t just stand there … DO something.”

Some of our most fundamental attitudes come from that colonial society which emphasized the importance of work: where the community had to prioritize and safeguard its resources. Therefore, the poor then fell into two categories: the deserving poor and the non-deserving poor – those who through some character flaw or lacking in their effort to contribute their work. Later these attitudes morphed – that the poor were acculturated to be poor – that they didn’t know how to behave any differently and that their own actions perpetuated their lot in life.

So not only are we as a society taught to believe that work is an important part of our lives, to the degree that we identify ourselves through our work, but we are also then lead to the fallacy that if we are not working there must be something wrong with us.

Or if we were fired, laid off, etc., then we must have done something wrong… been inadequate in some way.

We failed.

And let’s face it – failure is not something our society talks about willingly, let alone accept and forgive readily.

So understanding that there is a whole host of acculturation, societal expectations and psychological identity elements – not to mention the greater issues of macro-economics, social justice, and equity that I won’t even begin to touch here – how do you get through those stages of grief and attempt to get your life back in some fashion?

Not easily.

When my own identity had been ripped from me, destroying a decade’s worth of effort and dedication to complete my doctorate – something that had cost me dearly in so many other ways –to say that I had been laid low would be too cliché, too much of an understatement for the reality that would ensue. I could barely get off the couch for weeks. I didn’t sleep more than a few hours a night. I could barely eat. The most mundane tasks of getting kids to school and dinner on the table (which turned into a lot of nights with Domino’s) became insurmountable peaks to climb.

Much like what some may feel when they lose the one they love – a spouse, a parent, a child. You are now experiencing the unthinkable. The unimaginable is now real. After all, our profession is a part of our identity. So it follows that we grieve at the loss of a job because we are not only losing a part of ourselves, but experiencing a social death as well.

Editor’s note: Next week Dr. McCale will discuss suggestions for navigating the emotional landscape after layoff, termination or downsizing.

About Waiting for Change:

Part memoir and part social commentary, the book Waiting for Change profiles the very personal realities of job loss during the Great Recession and the domino effect to one’s housing, sustenance, employment, children, and social support systems. The book takes the reader on a guided tour “behind the story” of all the statistics on the evening news to explore the new and evolving landscape of poverty in the richest country on Earth. Waiting for Change provides a mental “travelogue” that illuminates not just the immediate impacts of poverty, but the downstream repercussions, all in very personal, relatable and easy to read ways.

About the Author:

Prior to getting her doctorate in Marketing, Christina McCale worked for 17+ years in some of corporate America's biggest companies. For the last 10 years she has taught marketing and management instructional duties at the university level for the last 10 years, she has also been one of the key and has conducted research on how to best prepare our undergraduates for career entry. Today, she lives in Olympia, Washington with her son, daughter, and their two beloved greyhounds.

GUEST BLOG: Human Resources in the Pressure Hangover

Kate Burke and I met in cyberspace when she reached out to me to interview me for a class project on social entrepreneurship and suicide prevention. Six months later, she is interning for the Carson J Spencer Foundation remotely from Washington, D.C. and helping us build our Working Minds Program. Her blog speaks to the challenges HR professionals face when trying to promote mental health in the workplace.

Unless you’re a park ranger, this image is in stark contrast to the realities most of us face when we head into our days, in particular our workdays.  Instead of calming colors and soothing sounds, the concrete jungle and an impression that challenges loom as large as the buildings can surround us.  On such a day, I came across the following quote by Victor Frankl:

When we are no longer able to change a situation,

we are challenged to change ourselves.

This quote struck a cord with me.  There were quite a few things outside my control, which were consuming my energy and hopes.  I was a manager of 20 administrative staff, which included extensive performance management and employee relations duties, in one of the largest professional services firm in the US and globally.  The economic downturn had required a number of tough staff decisions as well as a restructuring of my team.  These stressors mirror situations faced by many Human Resources professionals noted in an HRCrossing article titled WorkplaceStress and the Human Resources Professional.  One of which is…

Dual allegiance: Trying to be of service both to the managers and blue-collar employees can put enormous stress on the consciences of human resources professionals. If, by chance, adversarial relationships exist between the two groups, then the human resources professionals may get scorned by both sides and viewed as inefficient meddlers.

I felt I was between this proverbial rock and a hard place. The National Institute for Occupational Safety and Health (NIOSH) has also noted in their report Stress at Work that “extensive literature links job characteristics (e.g., low levels of control and work overload) to job stress and stress-mediated health outcomes such as cardiovascular disease and psychological disorders”.  Their diagram included here shows how a mixture of work stress and factors from outside work can work for or against people with possible negative outcomes for health.  This stress trap was also termed a “pressure hangover” in an article titled “Creativity Under the Gun” in the Harvard Business Review.  The article notes that working under pressure situations can require a few days for recovery.  This idea supports further the idea that chronic stressful conditions increase risk of illness, by not allowing recuperation time between pressure intensive projects.

For me, the work stresses in addition to other life stressors were making it more difficult to keep my emotions in check.  The phrase “Let it go” was oft repeated by friends and colleagues, with an occasional “You care too much”.  So how does one manage if you want to care about life but have no framework on just how is it you, “Let it go”?  Even while “being proactive” is a catch phrase in corporate America, there is a gap in proactive work being done to create Healthy Workplaces as it relates specifically to mental health.  Seemingly ever-increasing stress levels in the workplace are compounded by evidence I observed that organizational leaders are not fully prepared to handle employees who are facing severe stress, depression or other mental illnesses, and even less those that are contemplating suicide.  I would say this is mostly due to lack of knowledge versus lack of caring.

As is mentioned later in the HRCrossing article, I followed the path of many HR professionals, and took my own advice in making a change.  I resigned after 10 years in an intense corporate environment to pursue a master’s degree in Social Enterprise at American University with the intention to find structural solutions for healthier workplaces and work lives.  This program is allowing me to bring together my experience from business, entrepreneurial practices for new business structures – whether for profit or non-profit – and a commitment to live and encourage more balanced living of integrity.  In the course of my studies, I researched whether there were people applying the methods and ideals of Social Entrepreneurship to the field of mental health in the workplace and came across the Carson J Spencer Foundation (CJSF).  In particular CJSF’s program, Working Minds, is an answer to what I had observed during my time in Human Resources and Management and was encouraged by how they are bringing the entrepreneurial spirit to this conundrum creating healthy workplaces nationally and internationally. 

Working Minds showcase workplaces that practice innovative and effective approaches in promoting mental health at work through contests.  They also open dialogue about mental health in the workplace by providing education and training in suicide prevention.  This approach not only works to help the individuals facing challenges, it also contributes to the organizations through a double bottom line of social/health benefit and financial benefit.  Instead of the costs associated with absenteeism and turnover, Working Minds equips leaders to create a working environment where staff can get assistance and continue to contribute to the organization.  The training normalizes the discussion of mental health, and provides intervention skills when needed.  There is also focus on re-integration after crisis situations, all of which helps create an environment where people can reach out for help as well as continue to contribute.

I am excited about what Carson J Spencer Foundation (CJSF) and Working Minds is accomplishing and being a part of expanding their work.  I encourage you to join in the effort by being a changemaker in your organization.  Open the dialogue with your leaders about creating a healthier workplace.  If you or any colleague you work with is at a crisis point, reach out for help through the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline.  This link can also provide more information about warning signs.  Become informed and ask for training from Working Minds.  

ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Kate Burke is a consultant with over 15 years of experience in business in the private and non-profit sectors.  Ms. Burke's most recent experience is in operational management and human resources with the professional services firm PricewaterhouseCoopers.  She focused on performance management, process improvement and change management projects in San Francisco Bay Area and Washington Metro Area.  Ms. Burke has also worked with a locally based management company, a national non-profit higher education association and national life insurance company.
Ms. Burke holds a B.A. from Westmont College in International Studies with an emphasis in Latin America, including studies in Costa Rica.  She is a Masters candidate in Social Enterprise with the School of International Service at American University in Washington, DC.

GUEST BLOGGER “Smack-A-Mole”: Fighting Off the Job-Search Blues

Packard Brown and Charlie

It is my pleasure to introduce our guest blogger this week. I met Packard Brown after our Manspeak article was published. He was interested in the psychological impact of economic distress for men, and we spent a morning exploring shared interests. Packard is a seminary-trained, proven Career Transition professional with long-standing success in helping professionals secure employment in the non-profit or corporate world. Having spent more than 20 years in both the corporate realm as a Vice President for Organization Development and in the Career Management industry as a Senior Career Consultant, he knows first-hand the strategies and tactics it takes to navigate a career transition successfully.

Our current economy has forced nearly 30 million people into unemployment, out from behind their desks to the streets or behind the fast-food counter. If you’re deep in the process of a job search, you’re in plenty of company. With this Job Market, there’s ample reason to become despondent – there’s frequent rejection, endless worry over finances, and dashed hopes. As one of my clients put it “I’m just a bug on the windshield of life”. Reason enough to feel distraught.

But take heart, it doesn’t have to be so!

Most everyone has the intelligence, the resolve and the energy to keep moving forward. You just need to adjust your thinking and practice certain tactics to keep your spirits up. Here are some pointers on trekking through the Job-Search Bog to higher ground and success.

1. Start a Brag-File. If you haven’t done so already, you absolutely need to begin recording those events when you did something well, that brought you a lot of affirmation. Start archiving those circumstances where you rescued a lost account or turned around a poor-performing office or solved a problem that stumped everyone else.

In the job search you’re going to run into rejection; people will question your experience, discount your qualifications, or misspell your name. In these instances you have to return to your achievement stories and take stock of all that you do well. Relive those circumstances where you stood out from the pack and really delivered. Doing so enables you to readily provide examples in an interview, but also works to raise your morale and reminds you that you have a lot to offer an employer.

2. Practice Sharp U-Turns. During tough times, we often succumb to behaviors, to habits that may bring us short-term relief, but really harm us in the long run. When feeling pummeled black-and-blue from the job market, don’t be tempted to toss down a few dozen Harvey Wallbangers, or smoke a joint, or raid the medicine cabinet for those kite-flying prescription drugs. I also caution clients about devoting hours to Facebook or over the top shopping sprees. Guard against developing self-destructive behaviors.

3. Pump Some Iron (or Aluminum). When turning away from bad habits, make a conscious effort to engage in those activities that bolster your physical and mental well-being as well as keep you moving forward in your search. Adopt an exercise routine; strive to spend 30 minutes a day walking or working out at the local recreation center. Make it a regular part of your weekly routine to gather with good friends or enjoy an outing with the family. Don’t become isolated. Also make a list of five things to do regarding your search and do two of them by the end of the day. My clients make phone calls to managers, set up networking appointments, or reach out to targeted contacts on LinkedIn. Stay purposefully active.

4. Smack-A-Mole. This probably sounds like “New Wave Metaphysics” but as best you can, watch your head games, control your thoughts. Dwelling continually on the negative aspects of a search only serves to draw down your energy and your morale. Believe me; it adversely affects how you come across in an interview. Remember the football film where the running back is about to carry the ball late in a close game and he repeats to himself “Don’t fumble,” “Don’t Fumble”, “Don’t fumble”? So what did he do? Of course, he fumbled the ball. When a dark and desperate thought enters your mind, act like the arcade game Smack-A-Mole, where you hammer a pop up figure with a rubber mallet. Belt that thought right out of your mind. Now granted we need to be realistic in reviewing our circumstances, but be objective of what you perceive then get off it. Don’t dwell on it. A helpful tactic is to identify one or two experiences that lift your spirits every time you think of them and use one of them to replace the negative image. For me it’s recalling my son’s hit to drive in the winning run in a baseball tournament or my daughter who’s a lyric soprano, singing a solo that brought down the house. Find one for yourself, and whenever your thoughts turn to Dark Swans, replace them with these affirming images.

The job search can certainly be a tough road to plow but knowing how to keep your mind and spirits uplifted will serve you well in the days ahead.

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On Saturday, August 27, 9am – 1pm Packard and colleague Richard Oppenheim will be facilitating a workshop Greenwood Community Church called "Keeping Faith with Your Job Search." Packard has graciously offered the Carson J Spencer Foundation 10% of the proceeds of this workshop in support of our work on suicide prevention. If interested in this workshop, contact Packard for more information:

Packard N. Brown M.Div., CEC, RCC, Careers at Crossroads packard.brown@comcast.net